Psalm 23 Moment

I'm sorry if my initial reaction was to shrink from it...hahaha...How could I have forgotten how great You are..Thank You that although this task may seem frightening, You have promised to be with me. How funny that I even bothered to think of a few persons to help me out when there's You.
I am excited how You'd reveal Yourself to me again in this my nth Psalm 23 moment. I can sleep tonight secure because of You. Even before I ask for it I know Your answer is on its way so I really thank YOu in advance. I put my trust in YOu alone. No one can protect me better than YOu.
I'm stepping down the driver's seat of my life.. Take the wheel please, it's all YOurs.

Love You.

"these things i'll never say"

you always see me as you wish but never even bother to look into the rest.
you see all the nice things and say all the great things but never really saw what's real.
i sailed beside you through your quest but halfway through i left. you never seem to sense my presence. so my absence will make no difference.

i tried to see the best in you and overlooked the flaws. i forgave your shortcomings and believed you without a doubt. i gave my trust along with my heart but you didn't even lift a finger.
i took my heart back and pocketed my trust. seems you didn't want them so i might as well step back.

so now alone with my thoughts i bare my heart certain that noone would see but me.
when you looked my way, i melted.
when you talked to me, i floated.
when you smiled at me, i died.
you only have to call me once, and i'll be there at once.
my heart was willing but my mind was battling.
but in the end you made your choice and with my heart you took my voice.

so my heart remains with you but these feelings will stay with me
because they will remain as thoughts
for these things i'll never say.

delayed gratification (shsh!)

kabuangan!! i used to want to have everything pronto! not realizing that i am depriving myself of the sweet reward patience offers. take for example my sister. I always find her waiting and just accepting things as they are. I saw it as a weakness and an unnecessary act of martyrdom. But the moment her requests are granted, Man! it's soooooooo amazing that i almost convinced myself to do what she does.

But one thing im very sure about myself is my hard-headedness. I am so stubborn. The type that will make you want to do crazy things like eat your hair or bang your head against the wall. I can say no without batting an eyelash. You can talk til the brick walls cry but i can remain unmoved. That's why HE decided to teach me a lesson BIG time.

It took 2 Major lessons in the school of life and several electives and crash courses to make me realize how wrong i was. Those two major lessons almost destroyed me but I chose not to be destroyed. (I told you I was hard headed right) hmmmm..Am I making any sense? Well anyway going back to my post's title..delayed gratification..I'm finally taking baby steps toward the mastery of this art. I am now experiencing the first fruits of my garden of mistakes that miraculously yielded good tasting results. I appreciate the end of a story that I've painstakingly woven under HIs guidance. I have learned patience..I used to tell myself that "Patience is a virtue..I don't have."

It's amazing how He can make a masterpiece out of the mess I've created for myself. I have yet to learn how to soften my HARD ROCK head..ROCK HARD whatever..but i'm enjoying myself in this school. I don't want to graduate yet.

So dear, have patience with me..I'm still a work in progress.
:)

Those eyes of love

You alone knew me from the start
I show not what I really am but still You know
I say things I don't mean and do things less than what
I want them to be but You understand.

Tears I've cried and the pain I hid in silence
You take them away
The lies I wrapped around my scars, You gently remove
But I clung to my sadness thinking no one understands

My outside appearance, a facade of smiles
You break through my walls of pretence
Your eyes of love
Pierce me from the inside out.